breakfast for dinner with a side of nerves

Tomorrow is the big day.  I think I am doing pretty well.  Oddly enough the trigger shot was virtually painless... I hardly even felt it.  The dosinex on the other hand made me quite dizzy and nauseaus...but it is all for the greater good so I will take it!

I am really trying to tell myself not to worry about the retrieval... that it will be over quickly and that I will be loopy from the drug cocktail.  I am however nervous about the call from the clinic or what they like to call the fertilization report.  You see my eggs and my Husband's sperm have never met.  What if they do not get along... what if they do not like each other?  God I hope it is love at first sight and that they mesh effortlessly.

I cannot believe how real this is all beginning to feel.  I thought about calculating the number of injections that I have received over the past two months but then I thought that that would likely just freak me out so what is the point.  I suppose the point here is that we did it.  We got to this point.  Yes there were highs and lows, meltdowns and hormonal hysteria but we made it. 

So here I am, a walking, talking and feeling human egg incubator.  Thank you all for your positive thoughts and caring comments so far!!  Wish me luck!

....... Oh and did I mention that I will be eating pancakes for dinner?  I am not allowed to eat or drink past midnight tonight so I figured I mind as well just eat breakfast tonight... it is my favourite meal!

via Smitten Kitchen

trigger time...get excited!

Yes the time has finally arrived!  We will be triggering at eight thirty tonight!  I am excited... so excited in fact that the bloat has neglected to bother me today... which is definitely a welcome change. 

I lost count during our ultrasound.  I have an abundance of follicles.  There is so much debate in the online community regarding quality versus quantity of follicles so I am hoping that I can have both... yes quantity and quality.  Selfish maybe... but at this point I do not care.

My estrogen is still soaring and for this reason I have been put on Dosinex to ward off ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS)... well this combined with the other factors that put me at high risk for OHSS... that being that I am relatively young and thin...apparently OHSS likes this.  Here's hoping the Dosinex does the trick and this is the last I hear of OHSS.

I am trying to not think about the retrieval.  I mean the general idea of having an ultrasound probe rigged up with a giant needle is honestly quite horrifying but the reality is that it must be done... it might not be fun...but once it is over we will be one step closer to our hopeful Christmas present. 

With the retrieval set for Wednesday we are assured that we will have our doctor perform the procedure.  I also caved and purchased some Emla cream today which I will disperse on both hands, arms and hips to hopefully cover the IV and the anti anxiety shots that I will receive on Wednesday.  Bring on the drug cocktail!

Things are moving...time to get cautiously excited!

via E Tells Tales

slow and steady

My body apparently is not quite ready to give up its eggs... it is close... but not quite there. I am willing it to get ready soon. I hope it is working.

Our monitoring appointment this morning showed that I have many eggs... many that are close to the two centimeter mark. Multiply that by oh let's say twenty and then you have the explanation for my continued state of constant bloat. A few are right there hovering around the two centimeter mark and the rest are so close but just shy from where they need to be.

My egg retrieval date is now pushed to Wednesday. This is both good news and bad news. The bad of course is that to say I am uncomfortable would be putting it lightly at this point. How unfair is it that while we have to undergo in vitro for our fertility challenges, I end up looking pregnant. I mean really, is this some kind of a joke?

Now the good... we will have our actual reproductive endocrinologist perform the retrieval... ensuring that it will be a woman who will be down there. I have nothing against male doctors... I am sure they are fantastic... I just feel more at peace and less squeamish with a female doctor. Secondly, I have read some raving reviews online about her retrieval skills. Apparently she has quite the reputation...in a good way. So for those reasons I will take the extra day delay.

So here we are on day ten of stimulants. Tonight will hopefully (please cross your fingers) be the last night of the triple needle party in my stomach. Hopefully what they say is true... that slow and steady wins the race!

So pretty!  Fragile by Mai Autumn via etsy

santa's been busy

I put on my go-to low waisted leggings this morning and we headed out for some Christmas shopping.  I am not sure if I mentioned this previously but the only thing I can wear these days is this pair of leggings.  Well that is not entirely true, I did manage a pair of skinny jeans last night but the open fly was concealed by a nice long tee.

Santa was busy!  We are almost done all of our shopping.  This is a record.  I have been known to be that person.  Yes that person... you know the one who is shopping at four pm on December twenty fourth.. oh yes that person.  I will not make that mistake this season. 

I knew we had to get the shopping done stat this season... right now I am in a good frame of mind... who knows how long this will last?  I personally am hoping for this good frame of mind to bring me into 2011...

What do I enjoy almost as much as shopping... wrapping.  Yes my obsessive compulsive tendancies do make me a tad of a perfectionnist when it comes to wrapping a gift... but believe me, I love every minute of it.

Wrapping will take place tomorrow... after the appointment.  I feel kind of like a child on christmas eve right now.  I am feeling the bloat... a lot.... bending down is proving to be problematic... and I am also just plain feeling a lot down there.  My ovaries must be working... I just hope they are not working overtime.  I want a good amount of follicles but I am no where near wanting to set a record here.

Tomorrow cannot come soon enough!

By Dingbat Press via etsy

my ovaries have excellent listening skills

I have to admit that I am a little tired of writing updates about my anatomy.  I will relish the day when I can post solely about life...outside of infertility.  But for now at least I have good news.  It amazes me how much can happen in two short days, or how hard my ovaries have been working.  They have definitely been listening to my strong will, willing them to grow some healthy follicles. 

The running count now stands at ten over the nine millimeter mark on the left side and four over the threshold on the right.  There are another four on the right experiencing a bit of stage-freight but I am confident that will pass very shortly.  We are looking at close to twenty follicles.  So much can really happen in such a short time.

My lining is also looking good as it too has surpassed the threshold and is now in safe waters.

I also failed to receive a phone call from the clinic this afternoon which means that my estrogen levels did not do another flying leap upwards.  This is good news... my medications remain the same for now.... hopefully by Sunday the only thing I will be stuck with is the trigger shot!  Yes we are that close.

I told Andrew earlier tonight that I feel like the Easter Bunny because I am so full of eggs.  This likely makes no sense but I honestly do feel so full and bloated... and it will only get worse before it gets better...but it is worth it and I am excited.  This is more real than ever and the prospects and possibilities are there.  They exist..finally.

And it snowed.  It was lovely.

Happy weekend!

Chickadee in Snow by Allison Trentelman via Etsy

Little Tree by Allison Trentelman via etsy

adventures in meditating and a little entertainment from little one

I failed to mention that I recently purchased the circle + bloom guided meditation series last week.  I have been religiously listening to it every night and if nothing else, it is definitely helping me relax and listen to my body.  The one part that I really like is how it explores and encourages a mind body connection.  I am literally told to visualize my follicles growing and to accept the synthetic hormones pumping through my blood.

So now it it not uncommon for me to be thinking about my ovaries... yes this is what I think about during the course of the day... come on ovaries... grow those follicles.  I hope they are listening.

Meditation is not a foreign concept to me and I hope to further explore it once my thoughts are in a less risky position.  My first encounter with anything resembling meditation was during yoga several years ago.  To my complete horror there was chanting in a class that I attended.  I was just not ready at that point.  I did not buy in to the concept.  I went to yoga so that I could get my splits back and have an excuse to do handstands... not for chanting and meditating or anything remotely spiritual.

This past year I changed my mind.  I was no longer content with the merely athletic type yoga class... I wanted more.  I tried new studios... studios where meditation was a part of every class and I was sold... I am sold.  I was even set on going to an actual shambala centre in ottawa to do actual chanting but then my logic kicked in and I thought that spending an hour wrapped up in my head at the moment could actually be a disaster.

I will revisit it when things change... so for now all I can do is will my follicles to keep on growing.

Well that and continue to escape daily through my always entertaining cats...

How can anyone not love this face!  Little One put on a nice little show for me this afternoon!

flying estrogen and some etsy finds

The day started out strong.  The positive thoughts were flowing and there were no jittery nerves surrounding yet another blood test and ultrasound.  The tally now stands at sixteen still developing follicles on the left side and twenty two follicles on the right side, of which five are through the gate and over the nine millimeter threshold. 

My lining is at five point four.  It needs to make its way to seven.  I am confident that it will.  It is merely warming up! 

Now here is the shocker of the day... my estrogen stood at two hundred something as of Monday morning.  I received a call at one pm today and apparently my estrogen somehow sky rocketed to one thousand and fourteen.  Hmmm.  I am not sure what exactly to make of that figure.  Believe me, I have been google-ing.  Apparently a day eight estrogen level should be happy around five hundred... I am on day six..  O..kay...

I am trying not to obsess.  I am succeeding thus far... besides, it is not like my body is going to relinquish all control and do exactly what I want it to do so what is the point of stressing. 

As a consequence of the "stellar" estrogen level my puregon does has been cut down to half of what it was originally...  so that means less time that one of the three needles is in me I will mark then down as a win.

Now for some etsy therapy...

I'm not sure if she's waiting for something or just relaxing... either way I think it's great...SP 07 Photography Print by jkldesign via etsy

Although I think this chandelier is hideous I do love how it looks in this photograph... it must be the Tiffany blue... I have a soft side for it!  All That Glitters by TCapone Photo via etsy.

I love this polaroid.  I wanted it for our Master Bedroom but we chose this one instead.  Nude on Bed by She Hit Pause Studios via etsy.

well that hurt...a little pain and a little fun

So I have successfully established that Repronex and I will not be friends.  I was warned of Repronex's less than stellar behaviour and it certainly did not dissappoint.  It hurt like hell. 

Okay I am really and truly sorry if you are embarking on the in vitro process and I am scaring you.  That is not my intention.  Besides, I am diligently forcing myself to embrace the sting, let it in and let it do its job... which is to help my follicles grow!  So I will take the sting and the pain I get every time I stand up as a sign that it is just doing its job.

I am looking forward to my monitoring appointment tomorrow morning.  I am really hoping to see some significant progress.  I feel bigger...my usual skinny jeans are no longer okay and I am permanently in low waist-ed leggings... so something must be going on in there.

On a lighter note I went to see Morning Glory this afternoon with my Mom.  Will it win an award... no... but it was light and fluffy and offered up a nice distraction.

I also purchased Eat, Pray, Love.  I love Julia Roberts and there is something so enticing about vacating your life and traveling to a foreign destination to eat fabulous amounts of pizza, discover meditation and of course fall in love.

T minus thirteen hours until my monitoring appointment...get excited!!

via

party dresses, a monitoring appointment and fifty followers...oh my!

First...some eye candy...we are embarking on a festive season...which means lots of excuses to dress up!

Dance Away Dress via Anthropologie... who doesn't love a little black dress!  This one looks perfect to dress up or down.

Stilled Night Dress via Anthropologie... this one is so surprisingly affordable...where could I wear this...think, think, think!

Now to the more serious topic at hand... my day four monitoring appointment which took place this morning.  Things are looking as they should so far, or that is what the doctor said anyways.  My antral follicle count is sitting at thirty one and I have one additional follicle which is past the nine millimeter benchmark... so it is ahead of the gang.  What this all means I am not exactly clear on.  I did do some investigative work on the internet and came up with some information which leads me to believe that my antral count is good at this point but that what really matters is that the follicles keep on growing so they can join that one above the nine milimeter mark.

I was told to go ahead and add the third medication in which is called Repronex.  Repronex is similar to Puregon as it too is a stimulant ... it differs as Repronex also stimulates LH ... which is what I am lacking in the present state.  So more hormones... here I come!  At this point I am accepting the hormones with open arms, time to get bloated and get this show on the road!

Now I need to mention how happy I am that I have reached the fifty followers mark!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for following along my journey, especially through all of the ups and downs!

Hopefully I will be this chipper tomorrow am... post three injections!

seven years since the move was made, happy iclw!

I woke up today feeling good.  It took a minute to figure out why that was and then I remembered...it was seven years ago today when my Husband took a gamble and made a move.  Well it really was no gamble at all since I think it was plainly obvious that I was already in love with him.  Either way, November 21st marked the day where our friendship ended and something much better began.

Fast forward seven years and here we are... doing our first round of in vitro... two days into the stimulants phase... nervous, hopeful, excited and mostly just plain scared.  These are exciting times.  Times with so many possibilities.

Seven years ago did I think we would ever be in this position...absolutely not... but if someone would have told me then that we would be doing in vitro now I would have been thrilled...not at the prospect of required ART (assisted reproductive technology) to have a baby, but that we were it...done...together.

So I am smiling.  Today is a good day.  I am going with it. 

To start I am headed to the gym to walk...yes walk on the treadmill... it is better than nothing and might just give me my gym fix that I crave.  The afternoon will be spent patching up the walls in our master en suite as I will be painting them Farrow and Ball pavillion grey sometime very soon, and the evening will be spent watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Happy ICLW!

This is us... two years ago at our wedding!

adventures in tree trimming

I attempted to put up the Christmas Tree on Thursday night.  I was successful but it was not without a little challenge courtesy of Heidi and Little One.

First challenge...convincing Heidi that the tree will be more fun once it is out of the box...

Second challenge...coax our super shy kitty to get out of the tree so we can get the lights working...

Today's challenge... decorating it.  I went for something a bit different on the mantle this year.  I diverted from my Mother's mantra...Christmas must be red and green... and went with blue and green instead... so this risky move must also work with the tree.

On another note we started the Puregon yesterday.  I say we because my Husband now has to stick me with two needles a day... Yesterday's injections went surprisingly well aside from the fact that I have a bruise from the Puregon.  Bring on the follicles... grow, grow, grow!!

Happy Saturday!

What's another needle...

I started out today a bit excited.  Excited to get things moving and to start the stimulants already.  I breezed through the blood-work... oh the wonders of what having a needle every day for sixteen days can do!  I waited all morning and for the better part of the afternoon in nervous anticipation of the phone call that I would receive to give me the green light to go ahead.  Well eventually I got a nurse on the phone and what I got was closer to a yellow light.  Yes we have the go ahead to start the Puregon stims tomorrow... but how does another needle to add to the mix sound...

It sounds like me wanting to close myself in a sound proof room and let out a good hard scream.  Now that I have gotten that out of the way...well not really... a thirty minute acupuncture session definitely relieved some of that pent up anger and frustration so I will hold off on sourcing that sound proof room for a while longer.

I believe the culprit of this added needle is my LH level... or lack there of apparently.  It is low.  Am I surprised, no... disappointed yes.  Could something please be easy for a change?

So to salvage this night I am pulling out the Christmas tree (yes we have a fake one) and I am putting it up.  I realize we have not yet reached December, but at this point I just do not care.  North Pole... here we come!

Old Fashioned Vintage Christmas Tree fine art photograph by Maclancey via Etsy

wishing for snow... and a bit more emotional control

It has been raining for a while now.  As much as I am not a winter person I am really hoping for snow soon.  At least snow brightens things up outdoors.  I will take that over the present oh so gloomy state.

I feel somewhat caught between what I think I am supposed to feel right now and what I actually am feeling. I always knew this would be a trying time but was not prepared for the striking contrast of emotions. I am being good to myself right now. I feel so lazy though. I do not sit around on the couch all day but I have not entered a gym or yoga studio in way too long. I am just too tired. I am stubborn and find it hard to just give in to being tired and to ignore the pull of the gym.

There are so many things floating around in my head right now. I find myself policing my own thoughts on many occasions. My mind is wandering and it is going there... it is going to the what if this works... and then I literally feel all warm and then my sanity kicks in and yells stop it. This is me saving me from myself. There there are those other moments. The moments I really do not like. These are the moments where I think oh god what if this does not work... then I just do not feel and then my sanity saves me and gives me a swift kick and I tell myself to get my shit together and think positively. Things are just so up and down. I am sure this is normal. I just need to harness the nervous excitement.

Bring on the snow already....View of Black Tusk from Whistler, BC

i shall bake...

I will bake.  Soon.  I promise.  I keep thinking about it but I need to actually do it.  I have spent some time on my go to cooking website... Smitten Kitchen... discovering several mouth watering options.  So far these are the finalists...

Buckeyes via Smitten Kitchen... they could even be wheat free if I forgo the Graham Crackers!

Chewy Amaretti Cookies by Smitten Kitchen... these are gluten free and look delicious!

Hello Dolly Bars by Smitten Kitchen... okay my mouth is officially watering!

Next stop... the grocery store and possibly Home Sense for some new baking sheets...

Christmas Cat Love

In yet another attempt to continue to distract myself I went on a hunt for some Christmas green...litterally. We are now the proud owners of one paperwhite and two Cupressus Goldcrests. I am loving the added green so far. Next up... the Christmas tree!

Heidi is loving the green too!

There. I have successfully distracted myself once again. If only I could maintain an ignorant state of bliss when it comes to my upcoming baseline appointment. I am willing my ovaries to be suppressed and ready to bring on their A game.

rather be hiking, well maybe not

Yes I would very much rather be hiking... or even running... or at body attack.  I would even settle for some body pump at this point.  The forced hibernation of the last couple of weeks has been tough and has very inconveniently coincided with my last hard exercise window.  That opportunity has come and gone.  I will have to settle with walking and yoga for another few days and then it will just be me and the walking.

Who knew I would crave hard physical work so much?  Well I suppose if I am completely honest with myself, I could have seen this one coming.  I do not exactly excel at sitting in one place for a long period of time and would much rather work out my frustrations in the gym then in my head.

I asked my reproductive endocrinologist if, given my normal workout levels, I could ignore the exercise ban.  Sadly she voiced that my options are walking (oh joy) and swimming.  I am all for swimming in tropical locations at five star resorts, or in fresh clean lakes here in Canada.  I am not all for the public swimming pool.  First there is the issue of the bathing suit.  I think that public pool etiquette would not condone my current bikini options.  Secondly there is the issue of the dirt factor.  In addition to being somewhat of a control freak, I have also been known to exhibit boarderline ocd behaviour especially when it comes to cleanliness.  So long story short, there will be no swimming.

I pushed onwards and inquired about yoga during the stimulation phase.  The answer was yes but it was really no.  Yes I can do yoga.  No I cannot do any yoga pose that involves my butt being higher than my head.  No I cannot do any twisting whatsoever.  I must fear inversions at all costs!  So I could lay around in savasana but I think that I would tire of that fairly quickly.  I pushed a little more.  What would happen if say I did some of these banned options?  The response...  Your ovary could twist and burst.  Okay.  Point taken.  No yoga.

So yes... I would rather be hiking... but hiking does not get you a chance at a baby... at least not the way we hike anyways.  So I will not run.  I will not do high impact aerobics.  I will not do a headstand.  But I will have a chance at a baby.

Acadia, Maine, Summer 2009

that light feeling

I am unsure if it is the fact that I have finally escaped the confines of our house for more than an hour, that I spent a lovely but frigid hour outside this morning paying tribute to Remembrance Day, or that I enjoyed a non fat extra hot tazo chai... but whatever is it, it is working.  I am feeling better, happier, lighter.

Today is my last day on Marvelon, the oh so despised birth control pill.  Maybe that is why I am happier...perhaps my body knows this break up is reoccurring and is giving me a break as a reward.  The three weeks have flown by and I am very happy to be graduating from this stage of the cycle. 

I still have a while to go before the real action happens, that is the hopeful egg retrieval.  That while also involves significant amounts of needle receiving.  I have decided that when it comes to the needles, I really just need to worry about each one as it comes.  I must avoid peaking in the needle bag or calculating how many pokes remain at all costs. 

I am nervous, stressed, scared and excited.. this whole process is feeling more real every day.

In an attempt to continue to plan things to help cope with the stress I have begun to ponder Christmas baking.  I have hinted in past that the kitchen and I do not exactly have a solid relationship.  This is just going to have to change.  Time to do some digging for some delicious wheat free baking options.  Google-ing here I come!

My current level of relationship with the kitchen ... well close to it anyways!  Butcher's Block by Meganzii via Etsy

to be carefree, or how the stress is winning right now

I wish I could take a vacation from my thoughts... even just a short vacation... even for just five minutes.  Lately I seem to be following the following pattern...happy one minute having successfully convinced myself that everything really is going to work out and we are going to get the Christmas present we truly want...the next minute...stressed....worrying and analyzing all of the what if scenarios...trying to make myself relax and then failing.  This pattern is by no means fun and I am aware that I am my own worst enemy.

Evenings seem to be particularly challenging...okay challenging is a nice way to describe my out of control mood swings.  It starts with a headache approximately one hour post injection, it grows into a mild irritation and then all hell breaks lose and I just seem to snap.

These are the moments where I wish, for just a brief second, that I was somewhere else... somewhere normal. Then I repeat the following to myself...this is the only way you are going to get what you want so suck it up and move on. This little bit of self motivation, so to speak, is minimally effective.

This is where I should come up with some sort of plan to manage my craziness. I have come up with nothing... well not completely. I do have a pedicure booked for tonight which who knows... could potentially ward off the inevitable mood swing.

I am clearly still working on relinquishing all control in this in vitro process.  God it is hard.

I saw this on Brown Eyed Belle's Blog yesterday and it put a smile on my face.  Books and dresses are two of my favourite things!  via erin ever after via brown eyed belle

this is gorgeous

God I miss bright green summer grass.  This photograph by Yann Pendaries makes me want to run through a field in the sunshine.  Day 11London - the Park via Etsy.

breathing again and thinking about christmas

I am feeling significantly more human today.  I can almost talk without launching into coughing hysteria and today was the first morning since I started the Suprefact injections that I failed to have a headache.  I would say that this is a good day if it was not for the fact that I did not sleep last night... yes I was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows... at three am this morning... the movie comes out soon so I need to refresh.  Besides, reading is much safer then thinking.  I am my own worst enemy right now.  I also seem to be having a tooth issue.  I loathe the dentist.  I am going tomorrow.  Oh well. Could I please just catch a break soon?

It does look like a gorgeous day outside...yes it is likely somewhat frigid as there was frost on the roof this morning but I will take it.  I have a major case of cabin fever as I have not allowed myself out of the house for any significant amount of time in almost a week.  Soon.  I will get to go outside soon.  I refuse to push my luck so for now I will stay sequestered inside.

My mind is slowly creeping more and more into Christmas mode...

If only I had seasonal wall art... Candy Cane Heart Photograph by zuppaartista via Etsy

Yes I am obsessed with Christmas cards... this one is hilarious!  Naughty List Holiday Card via Apartment Therapy

 Happy Monday!

bronchitis take two

I neglected to post yesterday since I officially have bronchitis.  Again.  I just had it in August.  The good news is that I got antibiotics and an inhaler yesterday and I am feeling a bit more human today.  The other good news is that this is okay right now.  In a week from now it would not be okay.  Bronchitis does not play nice with the strict do not take any drugs while on Puregon phase of IVF.

I have managed to master not coughing while receiving an injection which is definitely a win.  My nurse is also out.  He seems to have developed an increasing rash which is apparently due to a viral infection.  We are quite the pathetic pair at the moment.

Yesterday was spent on the couch sleeping, watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, another episode of Vampire Diaries and Toy Story 3.  Today will be spent in largely the same manner.

If nothing else, at least this is forcing me to literally slow down.  Another plus... I may just have successfully located the hexagonal penny tiles that I mentioned in this post... more to come on that once I rejoin the off-the-couch world.

Happy weekend!

That bed looks so good right now... via LonnyMag

it's begining...

Yes I am aware that it is merely the first week of November.  As far as I am concerned as soon as the pumpkin is thrown out, it is socially acceptable to contemplate the Christmas season and all of the decorating and gift purchasing that goes along with it.  Besides, I need to keep myself busy right now so I do not dwell on needles, needles and more needles.. did I mention I just had acupuncture and will soon be getting my daily injection?  That is a lot of poking for one day.

So back to discussing the holiday that is steadfastly approaching... 

Letterpress Christmas Tags by rubyvictoria via Etsy.. how pretty would these look on some red and white paper?

Santa's Telephone by Asheville via Etsy... hillarious Christmas Card... who could I send this to?

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer Gift Tags by FairestLJ via Etsy... these are just so pretty

oh so pretty

This print makes me want to drag my sick self off of the couch and put on something pretty...

Abstractions Aside by JKLDesign via Etsy

needle party... officially begun

The day did not start well.  Both the nurse and patient woke up feeling quite sick this morning.  We knew we had to go to the lesson so we sucked it up and got ourselves to the clinic.  The nurse at the clinic was great.  I do find some of the clinic staff to be far too positive and slightly unrealistic when discussing how one will feel during procedures and after receiving drugs.  This nurse set realistic expectations.  She admitted that she has given these needles to herself and they are not fun.  This for some reason made me feel good.  Here is a real person giving us real advice.  It felt good.

Nurse Andrew got to stick me for the first time at approximately ten thirty am this morning.  He was fabulous.  I surprised him by voicing that I wanted him to do a trial poke with the nurse there... he assumed I would chose to minimize the number of needles I would be receiving but I thought I would be less likely to question his technique later on if he proved himself at the clinic.  This strategy worked.

A few weeks back I read somewhere that you should decide on a post needle reward strategy... something to take the edge off.  This strategy should be consistent and preplanned.  I thought long and hard on what this reward would be... well not exactly...I bought the first season of Vampire Diaries.  Episode one... check.  Episode two will be watched shortly as I had my first real injection about an hour ago.

I am feeling pretty good right now.  I am actually quite proud of myself.  I, the woman who faints at needles, remained relaxed during and after the injection.  I feel like I am winning right now.  What am I winning, I am unsure.. but if feels good. 

Of course things would be significantly improved if we both didn't look slightly green at the moment.  We are well armed with Cold Fx, a ton of Gatorade and a stockpile of honey which is great when mixed with hot water and lemon.

Needle party, officially begun!

I debated posting a picture of our sharps container but thought this photo from the Vampire Diaries was far more pleasing to the eye (and the stomach)... via

embracing the adventure... sort of, hello injection lesson

Well I have successfully given myself a very sore throat.  I started off the day with a lovely headache and it seemed to progress into an overall throbbing and now I have capped it off.  Oh the things I am capable of when stressed!  If only I could somehow use these powers for something more positive...

We watched the Puregon Pen video earlier tonight.  That was fun.  I definitely think the highlight was how easily she stabbed herself in the stomach with the pen.  Tomorrow we get the live demonstration... in person... at the clinic.  It is time to see if my Husband's precise engineering skills translate into flawless injection delivery.  I have faith.  Besides, during the video he kept saying... don't worry, we've got this... and I kind of think we do.  Shocked?  So am I.  I will re-evaluate this feeling tomorrow but right now I am feeling oddly optimistic.

The fertility psychologist told me that I must not fear the injections, rather, I must visualize how they will work with my body towards this greater goal.  I am supposed to picture the medicine flowing through my blood, helping my ovaries produce many wonderful follicles.  In theory this sounds great... assuming of course that I can ignore the alledged burning flow associated with these medicines.

So at present I feel decently equipped to set out on this injection receiving path in a semi positive manner.  I will try to look at it as more of an adventure... who does not appreciate a good adventure?



Daring Adventure by LoveWish via Etsy

 

missing this lady

This is my Sister.  I think the picture really does speak for itself.  She is a theatre student... can you tell?  She is awesome and I miss her so much.  Vancouver... you are one luck city!

Happy Monday!  Hope you had just as much fun on Halloween as she did!