baby a... baby b... hello twins!

So we had a bit of a surprise this morning, well honestly a big surprise... our ultrasound showed us a nice picture of our yolk sac and then it showed us a nice picture of our second yolk sac. 

Okay I am going to admit that I did not see this coming.  I mean my beta was in the three-hundreds... solid yes... but it clearly did not make me think that we would have twins.  I was actually slightly disappointed at the time... for about a second.   I was thrilled that we were pregnant at all so that disappointment really had a minimal, if any effect. 

I am still processing this news.  We are thrilled of course but I am still in the shocked phase I think.

On another note... at least I have a very good reason for the complete and utter lack of energy, crazy scent ability, and aversion to many many foods.  I mean there are two in there! 

For me this year has been quite the rollercoaster... most of it spent in an ungodly state of stress. 

It certainly ended with a bang!

Happy New Year!



Champagne Glasses by FindCarlie via etsy

hair envy

Oh to be blonde... and so blonde I might add....

via

sleepy

I constantly feel like drifting into sleep... all day long.  This is okay this week... I am at home.  Next week when I am officially back to work... it might prove to be somewhat of a challenge.

Until then...

Sleeping Butterfly by Esterfromthesticks .... ps... she's fifteen and has her own etsy shop... I am impressed.

spoiled

Santa was too good to me as always. 

Here are a few of my favourite things...

Victoria Parka by Canada Goose .... can you say warm

Helen of Tundra by Sorel.... after much debate I decided against the Ugg's and went for the Sorel's since they just felt so much warmer.



Abstractions Aside... by Leigh Viner... I talked about this print here and it is even better in person.  I cannot wait to get this on the wall!


Did I mention I am exhausted?  Back to the couch I go...

ho ho ho

Merry Christmas!  Santa was definitely here and out did himself as usual.  It was a wonderful and exhausting day.  We started out by hosting brunch at our house which of course involves champagne cocktails (for all but me this year), freshly baked cranberry orange muffins, lots and lots of present and stocking unwrapping and then breakfast.  We spent the afternoon watching The Town (which was in my stocking... thank you Andrew!) and then headed to my parent's house for Christmas dinner.

Today I slept through most of the day... I am exhausted...apparently the pregnancy is catching up with me.  (I am not complaining...believe me... I relish every food aversion, bout of heartburn and the never ending thirst).

The tree...bursting with presents..

Heidi did not disappoint... she was her usual entertaining self.

I am not exactly at home in the kitchen but I do make a mean fruit salad!

Just before breakfast...

Apparently Heidi isn't the only cat with a ribbon obsession... Foxy (my parent's cat) loves them too.

Us... at Christmas Dinner

Merry Christmas!  I hope Santa was good to you too!

polish

Nail polish that is.... so on my quest for a natural pregnancy book I came across a so called organic pregnancy book.  At first glance I thought that this could very well be the book I have been seeking... but upon further investigation I concluded that this book is more likely to make me crazy paranoid than to actually do anything positive for me.  I put the book down quickly enough... unfortunately it was not fast enough as I saw a paragraph on how dangerous nail polish can be to a pregnant woman.  I mean I just got a manicure and pedicure during my two week wait... and have since re-painted my nails... twice... how guilty did I feel! 

My Mom reassured me that she had polished nails throughout both of her pregnancies and my sister and I turned out perfectly fine.  I believe her but I am crazy and now that I read that I just cannot keep wearing the regular OPI or Essie colour of choice.

So I did what any desperate to have polished nails that are not a health risk to my unborn baby woman would do and went to Lilou Organics... a local organic beauty store. 

This is what I found...

PeaceKeeper Nail Paint in Paint me Luminous

Here is a closer look...

I was quite happy to find something shimmery as this is what I was wearing that day...

OPI Bring on the Bling via

It is the festive season after all!  Hello Sparkles!

en suite facelift

About a month ago when I was only on suprefact and the pill I thought I would paint our master en-suite.  I chose Farrow & Ball's Pavillion Grey and went to town on three of the walls.

Then I started Puregon.... then I gained seven pounds and could no longer bend... really at all... so Andrew took over the painting.

Of course the whole painting the walls thing spiraled into re-doing the cabinets, replacing the hardware, replacing the counter-top, purchasing new lights and of course new accessories.  So a one hundred dollar project turned into a slightly larger project.... but the end result was worth it!

Here are some before pictures...

And here are the afters...

It is so much brighter in there and the brown is officially gone from our home.... did I mention that I am not a fan of brown as a decorating scheme for an entire house! 

Yes it still lacks the carrera marble coutertop that I covet and I would also love to rip that wall in half between the shower and the vanity and make it a half glass wall, tear out the pre fab shower and install a nice tiled, glass wall shower... oh and add in some heated floors of course but for now I am very happy with the end result!

In other news... I am officially done my Christmas shopping!  I was ninety percent done about a month ago and I finally picked up the rest of the list today.  Big sigh of relief!  Only two more full days until Christmas!

books books books.... and happy iclw

As of five pm today I now have four pregnancy related books... oh wait make that five.  Did I mention I like to read and research the hell out of everything?  I am slightly obsessive when it comes to researching major life events.  It usually takes me a good two months of research to even decide on a resort for a trip, so thankfully I have another eight months to get the whole pregnancy research down.

And I am not an idiot... I realize that no matter how much reading and obsessing that I do... nothing will quite prepare me for the real event.  But I will try anyways.

So far I have acquired Bump It Up (which is perfect for the fashion inclined), What to Expect When You're Expecting (yes this is clinical advice but many of you have told me that it is still a must read), Does this Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat, Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven (looking forward to this entertaining read), and Oh Baby the Places You'll Go (to be read in utero... very awesome).

I still plan on finding the perfect natural pregnancy book... it just has not happened yet.

If you are stopping by from ICLW... I am pregnant... newly pregnant... and am still in the I just found out I was pregnant honeymoon stage.  I more than understand if you want to click away from this blog immediately and will take no offense. 

We faced male factor infertility and were recently successful with IVF with ICSI.

It is quite strange for me to be participating in ICLW on the other side.  I hope you join me here very soon.

Happy ICLW!

via

sinking in

It is starting to sink in that this is real.  Friday afternoon I allowed myself to wander over to the pregnancy section of the bookstore and finally said goodbye to the fertility section.  (More to come on that in the next few days as the books in the bookstores simply will not do.  I am not into the crazy scientific, written by a doctor, full of intervention pregnancy books, natural pregnancy books... where are you?) 

That is the point where it started to sink in.  It is kind of strange now that I am not worrying.  I catch myself thinking that there should be something huge to stress about but then I realize that there is not.

This will take some getting used to but I think I am up to the challenge.

Friday night was a night to celebrate... celebrate that we are finally expecting and celebrate my twenty eighth birthday!

My family reads my blog.  This is a huge plus when it comes to gifts as I received two items that I have posted about in the past and truly love...

Green Sky Birds print by MaiAutumn

Hiking Ruffles Cardigan via Anthropologie

A birthday in our family is never complete without a nice dinner out...

Okay unfortunately the wine got the best of the group (aside from me of course) and we only thought about a picture when we got the bill!

Happy Monday!

best birthday ever

I am pregnant!!! 

I am really pregnant.  I am still absorbing this news!  I spent this morning in a state of terror huddled up on the couch cringing and sighing and worrying myself to death.  The clinic called an hour ago.  Andrew answered (we planned it this way) and I could not tell from his body language whether or not it worked.  When he gave me a thumbs up after he got off the phone I was shocked. 

In all of the excitement we sort of forgot to ask what the beta was.  I do know that the beta was strong enough that they are just scheduling an ultrasound in a couple of weeks, that I get to stop the progesterone and that they actually said that it looks like a very strong pregnancy. 

Oh and it is my birthday.  It did not feel like I turned twenty eight this morning because I was too absorbed in the greater possibilities of today but now I feel like celebrating. 

And it is my one hundredth blog post.  Wow that happened fast.

I really do feel like I am in a movie right now.  This is the best birthday ever.  This might be close to the best day ever.

Balloon Crazy by elgarboart via etsy

two days to go

Oh I am so nervous right now!  I kind of want a time machine... but kind of not.  A time machine could take me to Friday so I would know if I am pregnant... but the time machine could also crush my dreams.  Ignorance is truly bliss right now. 

I have been so so good today.  No desperate google searches.  No mini (or honestly major) panic attacks.  And lastly no big bouts of doubt.  I feel pretty fabulous physically and I refuse to try to read into any other symptoms that I may or may not be exhibiting. 

Tomorrow should be my one hundredth post, but since Friday is going to be such a major day (um one birthday plus one beta test definitely qualifies as major in my books) I am choosing to avoid the computer completely tomorrow and save the milestone post for Friday.  I might kick myself later for this but let us hope that is not the case.

So until Friday.... wish me luck!

Make a Wish by Raceytay (who happens to live in Ottawa!!) via etsy

deep breaths

The permanent fragile look on my face has disappeared.  Things are looking up again.  Today was issue free.  I can breathe again. 

Of course I am still petrified.... but I am definitely feeling more optimistic.  I am hoping and wishing that tomorrow will be the same and that Thursday will be the same and that Friday will bring with it the best birthday present ever.

I have debated taking a test at home but I think we are holding off.  As long as nothing changes with me we will suck it up and wait for the official results on Friday.  Only three more days to go.

Thank you for all of your encouraging comments.  You are helping me to maintain some of my sanity!

Ballet Bend by Whit Shoots via etsy

rough day

Today was rough.  I woke up to some not so positive symptoms (in the form of spotting... sorry if this is way too much information) and started google-ing like a mad woman.  It seems that for every reassurance that what I am feeling is normal, there is also a story that confirms my worst fears.  The internet is almost as evil as this waiting period.

The good news is that nothing has worsened from this morning, it is not ideal but I did not need to go to desperate measures and break my promise to not do a home pregnancy test pre Friday's scheduled beta. 

Why do the days have to be so long?  I still have four days to go and each day seems to drag on forever.  Why is it that period and progesterone symptoms and side effects are the same as positive pregnancy symptoms?  Really... is this fair at all?

Okay I will officially cease tonight's pity party and hope that tomorrow will bring some renewed optimism.

Heart on Sleeve by Sycamore Street Press via etsy

the agonizing wait... and a few etsy treasures

Today is Sunday so I have another five days to go until we know whether this worked.  Every minute is hard.  My mind needs an off button.  The constant analyzing of potential symptoms is just plain agonizing...  This type of waiting should really be illegal.

Yes I saw the postings of others during this two week wait in the past... it was clear that this was to be no picnic but the ignorant part of me told me that it would not be this hard for me... I would stay blissfully positive and the time would fly by.  Well I was wrong.  It is damn hard and it sucks.

I know that nothing I can do at this point will sway the outcome... the decision has been made and I cannot wait to hear it.

In one of my constant attempts to lose myself in something other than thinking here are some etsy treasures that would be lovely under the tree!

Grey Skies Broadside by MayDayStudio via etsy

Pink Sapphire Crystal Ring by Saara Reidsema via etsy

Ornate Oval Baroque Vintage Frame by Dignified Rubbish via etsy

Happy Sunday!

lonny love

The new oh so anticipated issue of Lonny Magazine was revealed to the world yesterday.  It is fabulous.  It makes me want to paint several surfaces in our home (which is obviously a bad idea... and I will resist... for now)!

I have six days remaining in my wait.  I think the word torture is the only word that accurately reflects my current state of mind.  I knew this would be hard... but does it really need to be this hard?

The good news... Andrew's Christmas Party is tonight so I can spend a significant amount of time today prepping myself for that.

Now back to Lonny...

Gorgeous table setting... via Lonny

Love the coffee table...via Lonny

Oh the wall colour!  via Lonny

Ummm chandelier... yes please!  via Lonny

I think I just might need to get a garland for our railing... and some ribbon of course...via Lonny

Happy Saturday!

stephanie the hilarious sister

Well I just got off the phone with my sister.  I am still laughing.  She is in a vintage shop in Vancouver right now with her roommate.  They are purchasing a giant vintage couch at the pretty price of sixty five dollars.

That is not the funny part.

The funny part is the sheer excitement at another discovery.  Somehow she managed to locate a vintage, well likely down right ancient piano, that is apparently an exact replica of the piano that was in my grandparent's house.  Now I am unconvinced that this piano is not an organ as she referred to the many funny buttons that it has.  It is one hundred dollars and apparently is also going home with them (did I mention that they are both theater majors?)  Either way apparently this discovery is epic. 

Dear Stephanie, thank you for making me laugh and for putting a huge smile on my face.  You are making my one week plus one more day wait that much more tolerable!

Thanks to her iphone I now have the full picture!  What are those coloured buttons for??  I would love to know!

did i mention...

That I LOVE hugs?

I love this post via Le Love

wreath love

Silver and gold...so pretty...

the treats look good too!!  via Style at Home

warm thoughts

Today is my first full day of waiting... and hoping and sending warm thoughts to my embryos.  I have spent most of the day in chair.  Curiously both of our cats seem to have taken up permanent posts wherever I am... it is almost as if they know what is going on and that they are working for the cause.

My weight went up this morning (fail) so the clinic is a bit concerned of OHSS worsening but I am feeling better so I think it is on its way out.  I have been very good so far... no google-ing or excessive craziness.  I mean it is only day one post transfer but I will take each small triumph as a win.

I hope I can keep my sanity.  More than anything I hope that our embryos are sticking in there nicely and settling in for the long haul!

Heart Photography Print via CatNPhotography via etsy

pupo

I am officially pregnant until proven otherwise!  We transferred two blasts (five day transfer) this morning.  Our embryos were busy last night... busy growing and improving!  Yes the quality definitely improved since yesterday.  Things were no longer looking anything close to bleak.  I could breath again.

The embryo transfer itself was surprisingly painless for me.  I was expecting it to be something similar to the hysterosonogram given that there was a catheter involved but I honestly felt nothing.  I originally went in with the same attitude as the egg retrieval... that being that ignorance is bliss when it comes to me knowing what they are actually doing to me, but given the lack of pain or discomfort I actually watched the embryos on the screen... I even have a picture.

I never enlightened you on our great embryo debate... that is the debate on how many embryos to transfer.  I knew from day one of this cycle that I wanted to transfer two.  Back in the days of complete in vitro ignorance, I thought I would definitely only transfer one... I never wanted to be a Kate plus eight or anything even close.  Once I actually learned how invasive this whole process really is, I pretty much forgot that idea and thought that two would be better.  My Husband was largely in agreement but did waiver when we talked about the possibility of having a bunch of great embryos to freeze.  Needless to say, after our call from the doctor yesterday the decision was unanimous... two would be our magic number.

So here I sit feeling quite hopeful, somewhat overwhelmed and completely exhausted.

Did I mention that my pregnancy blood test is scheduled for the morning of my birthday?  I will take that as a lucky sign!

le love

I discovered a blog yesterday....Le Love... and it is fabulous.  Who can resist daily reminders of love...

Plus I just love this...

via le love

news

Well we were riding the no news state until this morning.  Yesterday I spoke with the nurse a couple of times.  Did I mention that my stomach is approximately six inches larger post egg retrieval than it normally is.... not exactly comfortable..  As of yesterday everything was good and our transfer is set for tomorrow morning at eleven forty five.

This morning when I heard a male voice on the line I knew it would not be good.  There are no male nurses at this clinic so I knew it was a doctor.  What I understood from the call is that our embryos are not doing so well.  When I heard that I immediately went into panic mode and failed to record or retain the actual details of the situation.  My Husband called the doctor back and got the actual low down.  Of our ten originally fertilized embryos eight are alive.. this is good and to be expected as it is normal for some to arrest.  Of the eight unfortunately only one is currently rated as good.  We were hoping for multiple embryos to be rated as great so this is a bit of a blow. 

I am google-ing statistics.  I am freaking out... a bit.  I mean we still have eight which is amazing and they just need to make it outside of my body for one more day... well less than that at this point.  The doctor tried to reassure us that woman of my age get pregnant with crappy embryos so we should not get discouraged.  The doctor said that hopefully some of the embryos will make themselves known and will improve by tomorrow.

Either way we are putting back two and hoping like mad that one or both stick.

On the plus side it is snowing... First Snow on Two Trees by Lucy Snow ephotography via etsy

no news means good news

We did not receive a call from the clinic today which means that so far everything is on track for a five day transfer on Monday.  So far so good!!

Happy weekend!

ps... don't you love this dress?

Dreamy Wanderings Dress via Anthroplogie

ten is my new favourite number

Yes we have ten successfully fertilized embryos!!  I am so relieved right now.  I received the call at nine am this morning and was so happy to hear that it was a nurse calling us.  For some sadistic reason the nurse during our information session warned us that if a doctor calls us for the fertilization report, he or she will be delivering bad news... so I spent the early hours of this morning willing a nurse to call us and not a doctor!

Our transfer is currently scheduled for Monday, meaning it will be a five day blastocyst transfer.  If anything should change between today and tomorrow then they will call us and change it to a Saturday three day transfer.

While delivering the news to my Husband it started to sink in that it actually worked... they actually fertilized, my eggs and his sperm actually like each other.  It has taken a very long time for them to actually meet but it worked.  So now I find myself thinking of those embryos in a dish at the lab hopefully nice and warm and growing.  It is strange to know that a part of you is out growing in a lab somewhere.  Strange but kind of wonderful.

Each time we pass a key step things feel more real.  I feel flooded with hope.   

Hope Street II by Lauren B Photography via etsy

needles, drugs and nineteen eggs

I survived the egg retrieval!!  This is me..giving myself a huge pat on the back.  To be honest, it was not as bad as I had imagined... well that and the fact that I was somehow able to not get myself too worked up pre procedure.

We arrived at the clinic at seven thirty am.  A not so friendly nurse brought us into an until today unknown area of the clinic called the recovery room.  She swiftly instructed us to change into a gown for me and scrubs for Andrew.  She then tried her best to give Andrew the boot into the lab so he could um... take care of business.  He could tell that I was not loving this lady so he stuck around so she could stick me with a giant needle... that I failed to feel thanks to emla cream.  After that lovely needle I started to feel relaxed and Andrew left while I got the IV line.  My veins were awesome this morning and she got it on the first try.

Time seemed to fly by and the next thing I knew I was lying on the procedure table with Andrew by my side.  This morning I requested that Andrew ensure that I would be shown no medical equipment, be spared the step-by-step this is what we are doing to you rant, and that any video screens would be promptly turned away.  Control freak...maybe... but the lack of medical knowledge really worked for me.... well that and the drugs.  When it comes to an egg retrieval just say yes to drugs. 

I do remember the reproductive endocrinologist telling me about her daughter's flat tire.  I also remember dropping a couple of f-bombs in particularly unpleasant times.  Most of all though I remember Andrew whispering to me that I am awesome and that I was doing so well.  Well that and I remember hearing someone updating the doctor on the egg count periodically.

She retrieved nineteen eggs.  I may be exhausted but we are definitely thrilled. 

Now we are not out of the anxiety riddled state yet in this stage, as we still are awaiting the fertilization report which we will receive tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for your warm and encouraging comments yesterday!  I am definitely so thankful for your ongoing support.

picked

Thank you to Randi over at Fervently Wishing for the Cherry on Top Blog Award!  Randi is a wonderful young woman on her own journey towards motherhood.  She is scheduled for surgery tomorrow so please go on over and wish her luck!

I am passing this award on to five of my daily blog reads

You wouldn't even make an omelette with stale eggs!
Still a Guest Room
All in One Basket
The Pursuit of Pregnancy
Tales of my Follies

Here are the rules: Link back to the person who awarded you, and then pick five blogs to pass on the award too.  Make sure to comment on the awarded blogs so they know they've been picked.

Happy blogging!